"Good Grief"

Over the past few years and in recent months, I have both experienced grief and had close family and friends lose loved ones. Because of the acuteness of the pain, the common occurrence of grief, and the request of friends experiencing this for the first time, I am passing on some truths to you in love. These come from a passion to provide comfort, healing ministry and godly perspective to those suffering and perplexed…pressed beyond the breaking point. Many of the insights I learned from my father, one of the most gracious and caring pastors I’ve ever known.

The following is an excerpt from a Memorial Service (funeral) that I recently performed. It’s from the middle third of the program…of course this part of the service is usually followed by me speaking of “the promised resurrection” and “life as a blessing.” I hope and pray it will bless and minister to you:

Let’s be honest. This is a tough time…for this family…for all of us. So my suggestion at the outset is that we trust God, even if we’re not in the habit of doing so. Let’s trust God and look to Him to give us what we need to face this day and to cope with the loss of “your loved one” in the days and years ahead.

In this time of grief and sorrow, we turn to the Word of God for comfort and hope. Hear this word from Psalm 46:1 and 10:

“God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in times of difficulty.

…Be still and know that I am God…”

In times of Crises and Challenge, God’s Word speaks to us…His presence meets, ministers to and heals us! God will provide mercy, tender compassion, and gracious strength.

“Do not fear, for I am with you. Do not search about anxiously, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you. Surely I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” –Is 41:10

“God is near to the broken hearted, and saves the crushed in spirit.” –Ps 34:18

“Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in this time of need.” –Heb 4:16

PRAYER

At this celebration of “your loved ones’ life”, let us remember that it is the love in this world that counts, without it nothing else really matters.

Mitch Album’s book – “5 People You Meet in Heaven” speaks to this….

“Lost love is still love -- it takes a different form, that’s all. You can’t see their smile or bring them food or tousle their hair or move them around a dance floor. But when those senses weaken, another heightens. Memory…Memory becomes your partner. You nurture it. You hold it. You dance with it…

Life has to end, Love doesn’t.”

Our final freedom – “We cannot control what happens to us. Yet, we can control how we choose to respond to whatever happens to us.”

As a family and friends, you now begin living with something you can’t change. You can’t bring “your loved one” back to this life, but there are some things you can do. So I offer these gentle suggestions for the future:

1. Remember the good times…

Agree that at certain times you will get together as family/friends and celebrate the good times and good memories – those warm, together times filled with laughter and appreciation.

2. As a family, remember the God who gave us life is able to give us hope…

“Your loved one” was a good man, and you will miss him. God is a Great God, and you can trust Him. This family is doubly blessed.

3. Remember two things about God we ought always to keep before us:

· Grief was created by God. Grief is the price of loving deeply. Grief won’t kill us. But never loving anyone will leave us deader than a stump. So be thankful for your grief, and the love it represents.

· God knows our grief. God created grief as a safety valve. His nature is to visit us in our grief and stay as long as we need Him. Jesus was “a man of sorrows, acquainted with grief.” Our Heavenly Father lost a son and became the Father of Mercy…God of all Comfort.

As we grieve the death of “your loved one,” there are four specific things we can do to help God help us.

1. We can give our anger to God… He can handle it. He understands it.

2. We can give our questions to God… He welcomes them…all of them.

3. We can allow God to give us healing… Seek His healing, pray for it, be open to it.

4. We can allow God to give us His comfort and peace…God never wants us to be left alone.

Unless our hope is in God, we are sadly without hope. But we can always call upon God and take Him at His promise.

“Grace-Grace to your mountains…Shalom-Peace that passes understanding in your storms…and “May the Grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, the Agape-Love of Father God, and the intimate fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you all…and your loved ones”(2Cor.13:14).