"To Write or not to Write?"

“To write, or not to write?!?”...that was the question. For days I couldn’t get it out of my mind, so I surrendered 4 hours to rereading "Hamlet" highlights while journaling the seeming implications to my writing endeavors. Although the political & principled struggle there was insightful, & the pages I focused on were poetic & prophetic, it was actually an exercise of identity settling rather than literary studying. My investigation was bringing me face to face with the man in the mirror while challenging me once again to embrace the calling of being both a life-long learner & a yielded messenger…writing about the search & discoveries from Kingdom perspectives. I instinctively knew this would necessitate a vital connection between worship & work, waiting & writing. For the last few years, & in this blog, the emphasis for me has been the waiting on God & quest for truth…but winds of writing are beginning to blow.

The search for understanding, to discern what’s significant & discover God’s perspective is nothing new to me, it has been a life-long passion & pursuit. In the past, I threw my life into Bible study, fasting, prayer, ministry service, mission trips, voracious reading & Seminary research. This last season was different though…new, another level altogether. It seems I’ve been in a time of wilderness isolation & soul searching. It’s not a wilderness wandering, but a temporary withdrawal from busyness and visibility so that God may revive my heart & renovate my mind. During this difficult season, I have yielded to the Spirit’s prompting to “wait on the Lord…be still…”-Ps.27:14, 4:1-6, 46:10, 145:15.

I have often heard it said that to wait upon the Lord is about attentive service like that of a restaurant waiter. That is simply not true, & is evidence of our humanistic, performance oriented, works righteousness bias. The Hebrew word actually means “to bind or tie to,” while the Greek emphasis is “sitting down beside to receive.” Webster’s 1828 dictionary defines “wait” as: 1.To stay or rest in expectation; to stop or remain stationary, till the arrival of some person or event. The call to stop, rest, remain stationary & receive often requires being alone with God & isolated from others.

There’s great value in finding a “lonely place apart,” like Jesus. Christopher Maricle captures the essence of this by saying, “We need to spend time by ourselves in contemplation…to focus inward…alone with our thoughts…in considering our actions in light of our faith…a time for sorting out how we feel and think about a concern and how to respond to it in the future…and to take the results of our introspection to God in prayer.”

No, I haven’t been writing blogs, but I have been waiting on God, wondering about my difficult experiences, & writing devotionally & reflectively. While it is certainly true that many things have been too painful to write about (that stuff is fuel for worship & material for prayer), it’s also true that my greatest desire is to write as a form of worship that imparts spiritual wisdom & revelation. Hence, the hesitation, delays…the patience of waiting on the Lord. As I said in my previous blog, “I have purposefully chosen not to publish my recent writings as I seek greater understanding & study enemy tactics while putting the King & HIS Kingdom 1st.”

It takes time to know what you’re to say. You can’t really have perspective on things while you’re in them…you can’t accurately reflect on something when you’re sitting in it. That’s what perspective is all about…the ability to discern the reality, relation & importance of things. I believe there’s a freedom that comes from being outside the situation, system, season…the ability to see & say things that I think everybody’s thinking or feeling…to look at situations & environments & to understand what we’re dealing with…to express issues that may be difficult for someone experiencing a situation or inside the system to see or say. To “examine all things, holding fast that which is good…to speak the truth in love”-1Thes.5:21, Eph.4:15.

Shakespeare’s commentators have always argued over the actual meaning & purpose of his world-famous monologue that opens “To be or not to be” (you should read & study it yourself). The main disagreement is whether the focus is placed on "life vs. death" or "action vs. inaction." I believe there’s an element of both; & I contend that in seeking life & experiencing the death of anything, there needs to be a time of thinking & processing for the purpose of future determined action. With Hamlet's indecisiveness & uncertainty of knowledge as major themes in the play, many commentators were inspired to read the choice between the life of action ("to be") and life of silent acceptance ("not to be") as a primary focus of Hamlet's dilemma. I, however, believe & espouse E. Prosser’s view that "This soliloquy is a meditation on the central theme of the duties and temptations of a noble mind in an evil world."

I, therefore chose “To live & write” by consciously acknowledging “tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune…and as a vehicle to lose the name of action.” Henri Bergson expressed this by saying, “Think like a man of action, act like a man of thought.” Or shall we say, “Write like a man of thinking & action”…I am, & I hope to.